Blog-a-Blog-a-Blog

Soooooo…. As you may notice, some of my posts either look really familiar, or the timing seems off. That is because as this is a new blog, and as I am a busy college student, I may at times recycle a post written by myself, for another blog. This is only because I am busy, lazy, and not that great a writer……. But oh well. There are not very many people reading this, so its ok!

My blog gets less hits than this tree....

Crash

So, I am currently undergoing a bit of a withdrawal.... a crash if you will. Now I am addicted to many things, especially caffeine.

Also, just like Charlie Sheen, I am addicted to "tiger blood".

That being said, I am currently undergoing a different type of crash. a little less than a week ago, me and my SSA group went to a national convention. Now, I have been to conventions before, but this time, I spoke. Me and my co-prez actually spoke in the conference, and had a huge audience, and wonderful reviews. 

Seriously, we were rated as high as Pocahontas 2.

As a result, a lot of people knew who we were, and the awesome convention feeling was way more intense. It was so amazing, I got to meet and speak with some of my favorite famous atheists, and was even kissed by one. And the result was amazing, people came up to me and introduced them selves and more than once, were a little giddy.... I dont know if you have ever been in that situation, but it is pretty amazing. 

Its almost as amazing as being a kitty with a pop-tart body and rainbow following you... just saying. 

Now, I am a pretty good networker anyway, but with other people tying to talk to me, everything was so much easier. I met so many valuable contacts, awesome people, and some new friends. But now, its over. after being an a 100% atheist environment, things are just a little... a lot, worse. Very few people will understand what it is like, but everything is just a little off now.  The only way i can explane it is like after a bunch of caffeine. While on the caffeine, every thing is just a little better, but after the rush, during the crash, everything is a little dull. Not as in boring, but it has just lost its sheen,  and i miss it. But, until the next conference, possibly Skepticon or Reason Rally, I'll just deal. At least i have my own little secular family-like unit to help me cope. Till then, keep praising jesus?

This is actually Raptor  Jesus 2, the other one is better.

Lying

     Now, I've never been one to intentionally hurt another person. And honestly, one of the only ways that i actually get hurt is when someone i care about lies to me. That being said, there are some times when lying is necessary.... A sad truth of today's world.

For future reference, not a necessary time to lie

     While its true that some lies do hurt others, some lies just make things easier for everyone. For example, I am going to a Secular Student Alliance Conference this weekend, and am speaking at it. This Saturday, however, is my birthday, and so my parents want me home so we can celebrate.

I'm turning 20, but my parents likely still want me to pin the tail on the donkey

    So I lied, and said I have an honors leadership seminar I was selected to go to. Now don't get me wrong, I love my parents dearly, and the fact that i have to be dishonest pains me. But the thought of explaining that I don't believe in a god, that I have been lying to them for years about my beliefs, scares me so much. Now, I'm not one to be frightened easily, but the thought of disappointing them in this way kills me.

The zombie apocalypse isnt as frightening as coming clean to my parents

     The ridiculous thing is that I'm the president of my schools secular organization, and have been called the king of the atheists, and am a loud and proud heathen, to everyone except my family.

This is my crown

     But I lie, knowing that one day it will bite me in the @ss, knowing that it will probably make things worse long term, but I'm just too much of a wimp to talk to my parents about this yet. I'd like to say that it is in my immediate plans, but then, i would really just be lying to myself.

obligatory nerd reference. +5 if you were waiting for this joke

My Crazy Brain

Now... I realize that I am not quite normal for several reasons, the first and foremost being the way I think. Now, there is no really good way of explaining it in English, but my psychologist had a French term for it, la Effet Tetris. Now the actual explanation is very, very complex, but it boils down to something called Bounded Rationality...

Not quite like this...

Now, we constantly make decisions, but our decisions are not fully thought through and we can only be rational within limits such as time and cognitive capability, and as a result, we often make really bad decisions. My brain works more like a game of Tetris though, with significantly less "fuzzy logic" (where we find things that are close enough), and much more pre-thought, and a couple other tweaks. It also comes with great visualization skills. Its kind of like most people are running windows, and I’m running Ubuntu... its not better, just a set of mental processes and allocations of thinking power. Now that always made me a little different, but different means you have an advantage. For instance, I'm good with packing things, and math and science, and even things dealing with motives and mysteries, because I'm usually really good with thinking in reverse, in how things came to be. I also have the constant thought running through my head as to why I'm thinking these thoughts. It is kind of like having a clock where you can see the gears.

Not this type of Gears, however...

As a result of my over-cognition of my own cognitive process, I often super over-think my decisions when time is not an issue, so small decisions + big time to figure it out = horrible agony over choices. I once spent over 25 minutes at a grocery store balancing out what type of candy I should buy, (I chose whatchamacallit of course). Often because of this I impose a time limit on myself, and as a result, I can make really hard decisions very, very quickly, and usually the correct decision. Not don’t get me wrong this accounts for very little of my weird behaviors, really only me getting lost in my own head. Most of my weirdness is just because I generally do what I like, and because I no longer care what people think of me.

The pink shirt is an example of this, not at all to do with mental processes; I just look awesome in pink.... probably due to my naturally rosy cheeks.

I bring this up only because when out with a friend for coffee earlier, I simply could not decide what I wanted from a coffee shop, a decision that did not matter, yet I focused on the pros and cons of each drink, thought about caffeine vs. cost vs. enjoyment of drink, and assessed for any false assumptions I made, thought about future ramifications, and because I was with a friend of mine, who we had some work to do, I was also focusing on her,  as well as what we had to get done. Ect. Ect.... and then the barista asked if I was OK.... and I froze. When I'm in a rapid thought process, I have a very loose grasp on time, and can very easily get lost in my mind. I made a decision very quickly, a Mocha (yummers by the way), and then started talking to said girl. But all I could focus on was the fact that I'm a weirdo, and I was so lucky that she didn't know I'm so odd... But I have some baggage, and one crazy ass brain.