Confession: unlike the rest of my straight, male cousins, I
worship Zach Quinto. I know, I
know, unavailable and not a widely accepted divine being (even if Sylar was
pretty badass), but that’s not what I mean. I mean it breaks my little gay heart he found love before I
got to LA to try to win him over. In
case that doesn’t give away my bias, here: I’m going to VOTE NO on the
Minnesota marriage amendment. I’m
also going to give you a new perspective on the issue and create some talking points
to help people see the issue from the side of a person, someone who lives with
this every day. I don’t care about
right, left, religion, or rhetoric.
Bottom line: I care about people and I care about equality.
I understand that for many people, lack of exposure to our
community is the issue. I didn’t
know an openly gay person until I was out of high school. Even then, I didn’t technically “meet”
anyone by the definition of the word.
Instead, I found out I’d gone to high school with a handful of LGBTQ
people, including one who had been a very good friend of mine since elementary
school. Point: If I, as a gay man,
lacked exposure to the real gay community most of my life (Perez Hilton and Will & Grace don’t count), certainly
others are equally uninformed. Though
I would like to, I can’t fix this problem by myself, but I’m going to do my
best to make a few brief points that may help broaden how people think. Those of you already committed to
voting no, I encourage you to have conversations with people around you who are
on the fence, and I hope these points give you something to work with. You’re free to use, adapt, or ignore
anything below in your conversations.
1) We only wear the
brave face. I’ll call upon my
bluntness here: it is almost impossible not to take this process personally at
some point. Think about it. People I do not know, people with whom
I have never even interacted, get to vote on if I should have the right to
marry. At the end of a long day in
the library when my mental reserves are tapped out, that just feels
exceptionally lousy. I might pretend
it’s fine for the benefit of those around me, but that’s because there’s
nothing more they can do but be supportive to me and the cause. But it’s not fine. It’s hurtful, infuriating, and
draining.
2) Separate but equal
was a thing once. Didn’t work. I know many people don’t really
understand the difference between marriages and civil unions. Frankly, there’s no reason to parse out
the difference between the two.
That opens the door to suggest same- and opposite-sex couples have
different, essentially identical, unions.
We had segregation once, and people thought it was a good idea at the
time. I think we can all agree
that was an oops. A big, big
oops. I’m not suggesting the Civil
Rights movement and same-sex marriage are one hundred percent synonymous, but
the principle is the same. I don’t
care what we call it, but we should all call it the same thing when we make a
commitment to the person we love, and we should all get the same benefits as a
result. Separations only give
excuses for one population to believe they are better than the other. Haven’t we all read The Sneetches?
3) You don’t need to
be threatened “the gays” or our marriage. I can assure you we don’t want to break up your
marriage. Also, if I tell a
straight man he looks nice today, I mean he looks nice today. There is no code. I’m not hitting on him. He just looks nice. But so what if he thinks I am hitting
on him? Have you never been hit on
by somebody in whom you had no interest before? A “no thanks” will do.
Or “sorry, man, we play for different teams.” If my fragile sense of self was shattered every time a
straight girl told me I look nice, I’d have to learn how to get psyche out of
the carpet. That doesn’t sound fun,
so I’d just go with “thanks for the compliment” and move on. I promise to keep my hands to myself,
so please keep yours off my rights.
4) We are not out to
brainwash the children. I
don’t even know what to say about this.
We just aren’t. Even if we
were, we could do so as singles.
But we aren’t, so don’t believe the fear bombs.
5) Think about those you love. If you’re thinking about voting yes on
this amendment, please just do me one favor before you do. If you humor me in no other way, please
do so here. Think about somebody
close to you: a brother or sister, son or daughter, best friend, colleague,
whatever. What if that person is
gay? The truth is, whether you
know it right now or not, somebody close to you probably is gay. Think about how you would feel knowing
you were part of the reason that person couldn’t marry who they love. How are you going to explain to them
why you filled in the yes bubble?
It’s easy to pick a fight with me, some relatively anonymous blog
contributor. It’s easy to vote
against nameless, faceless masses.
Will it be easy when you’re confronted by somebody you care about and
see every day? Think about
it. Odds are it’s a conversation
you’ll have to have eventually.
So there are my thoughts. Hopefully I’ve given you something to think about. Please (please, please, please) get out and vote on November
6. If you’re passionate about
this, have some conversations with the people around you before then. Share the human side with them. I know Minnesotans will make the right
decision if we can move past all the bitter politicking. Let’s make it happen and VOTE NO on
this amendment.
Victor
Warne is a second year at the School of Pharmacy at the University of Wisconsin
– Madison. He enjoys locking
himself in the library in place of having a social life. Well, not really, but he looks forward
to reaching the light end of the tunnel and hopes it is not a train.
As always, if you have anything to add to the conversation, just comment below!
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