My Crazy Brain

Now... I realize that I am not quite normal for several reasons, the first and foremost being the way I think. Now, there is no really good way of explaining it in English, but my psychologist had a French term for it, la Effet Tetris. Now the actual explanation is very, very complex, but it boils down to something called Bounded Rationality...

Not quite like this...

Now, we constantly make decisions, but our decisions are not fully thought through and we can only be rational within limits such as time and cognitive capability, and as a result, we often make really bad decisions. My brain works more like a game of Tetris though, with significantly less "fuzzy logic" (where we find things that are close enough), and much more pre-thought, and a couple other tweaks. It also comes with great visualization skills. Its kind of like most people are running windows, and I’m running Ubuntu... its not better, just a set of mental processes and allocations of thinking power. Now that always made me a little different, but different means you have an advantage. For instance, I'm good with packing things, and math and science, and even things dealing with motives and mysteries, because I'm usually really good with thinking in reverse, in how things came to be. I also have the constant thought running through my head as to why I'm thinking these thoughts. It is kind of like having a clock where you can see the gears.

Not this type of Gears, however...

As a result of my over-cognition of my own cognitive process, I often super over-think my decisions when time is not an issue, so small decisions + big time to figure it out = horrible agony over choices. I once spent over 25 minutes at a grocery store balancing out what type of candy I should buy, (I chose whatchamacallit of course). Often because of this I impose a time limit on myself, and as a result, I can make really hard decisions very, very quickly, and usually the correct decision. Not don’t get me wrong this accounts for very little of my weird behaviors, really only me getting lost in my own head. Most of my weirdness is just because I generally do what I like, and because I no longer care what people think of me.

The pink shirt is an example of this, not at all to do with mental processes; I just look awesome in pink.... probably due to my naturally rosy cheeks.

I bring this up only because when out with a friend for coffee earlier, I simply could not decide what I wanted from a coffee shop, a decision that did not matter, yet I focused on the pros and cons of each drink, thought about caffeine vs. cost vs. enjoyment of drink, and assessed for any false assumptions I made, thought about future ramifications, and because I was with a friend of mine, who we had some work to do, I was also focusing on her,  as well as what we had to get done. Ect. Ect.... and then the barista asked if I was OK.... and I froze. When I'm in a rapid thought process, I have a very loose grasp on time, and can very easily get lost in my mind. I made a decision very quickly, a Mocha (yummers by the way), and then started talking to said girl. But all I could focus on was the fact that I'm a weirdo, and I was so lucky that she didn't know I'm so odd... But I have some baggage, and one crazy ass brain.