Test.... Again

I am testing out a new system..... Sorry for any inconvenience.... For your trouble, please enjoy this picture of a fear of mine....

--It could happen some day, and then we are all doomed....--

Strength

Now, a personality is a very complex thing, and as a result, it has many sides. That's why, in different situations, you act differently. The mind is smart enough to know how to react in different situations. This is especially true in set personal groups you may have. For instance, in my premed group, I play a different role than I do at work, and a very different role than I played in high school. 

--This was not my role in highschool... i was more talented--

That being said, no matter what situation I am in, there is always a part of me that I always hide. There is a part of me that I don't like to think exists, yet I know it affects me, it’s something that I run from, and try to combat, but it is still a part of me. I always have a part of me that is hidden from everyone. It’s something darker, those emotions that I think no one should have, that I hide from, and it can be very tiring. My hidden part is a part of me, forged in my past, which is as much a part of me as what I show, but that I never can. 

That being said, it has made me strong. When you have gone through horrible things, it affects you. You really only have the options to get stronger, or get gone, and I have gotten stronger. When you can't talk about it, and things inside of you compound, they get worse, and weigh down on you. And you crack.

--Plumbers crack is never OK though... just saying--

You think that no one will ever understand what you are going through, and you know you are right. You know that things will probably never be the same as they once were, and you are right. You know that you will never, and can never be the same person, and you are right. Yet once again, if you can make it though, it makes you strong. 

That is why strength is such a backwards thing. Even though I know I am strong, and I am a better person for it, I know what it takes to be strong. That's why I hope the people around me never have to be strong; because strength is just proof of the burden you have to carry. 

And I would like to say that it gets better, that overtime, your weights are lifted, that you find relief, but I know that that's not true. Anyone who has so much strength knows that this is true. Instead, your carried weight begins to feel normal, and I believe that really that is better. If nothing else, it is more elegant. Going through difficult situations, just prepares you for worse things, it allows you to go through things others can't. Eventually, bad things don’t bother you anymore, and that may actually almost be worth the pain. 

--Remember, there is no Rainbow without Rain--

Because you can still be happy. If you acknowledge the past, and keep it in mind, it is like a shield against the bad, and you realize how wonderful life can be. When you keep the pain in mind, the bad doesn’t seem that bad, yet the good seems so much better. You essentially have a different baseline for emotion. And it is hard, because you must always have that strength, and carry your past with you, but that doesn’t have to hold you back. You can take it, and use it to make you a better person. And this takes a lot of time, and tears, and pain, but you can get there. And when you are there, it is amazing. Life is amazing!

--Wasent really sure why this had to do with life, but it was the first hit when i google imaged it--

Its been a while.....

So, it's been a while since my last post, but I promise, I will have a new post up within the next 24 hours.

Thanks for reading, feel free to enjoy this masturbation joke.

32% sad

     So, I have been going over my blogs stats, and I realized a few interesting things about my readership. First and foremost, 77% of my readership is windows, which is interesting considering I'm a mac, but whatever, I am cross platform. What is pretty cool is the fact that 2% of my readership is using Linux.

+If this is you, you win one Internet+

     Sadly, however, is the fact that 32% of my readership is using Internet Explorer...... which makes me a sad panda. If this is you, please seek help.... I really do care, and will be happy to help you through this difficult time in your life. I will help you install Google Chrome, FireFox, or even Opera.

+ surprisingly accurate+

So Just let me know if you need help, just comment below. If you have a favorite, or are very passionate, just comment below, but please no flaming, or trolling.

+Remember, we all share the Internet.... except the trolls. They don't deserve it+

Santorum SweaterVest

     So, due to a friend's comment about a particular idiotic, bigoted, antiscience, republican, religious zelot, I just want to make something clear. To be fair, many others have already made this point, especially JUSTIN JANNISE at uinterview.com , but Rick Santorum does not own the sweatervest. I ACTUALLY OWN THE SWEATERVEST, aka thesweatervest.com, as you are probably aware of, as you are reading it right now. As a result of Mr. Santorum's actions and words, I just want to clarify:


     Rick Santorum: you do not have my endorsement, acknowledgment , or my blessing. 


     People who do, and also rock the sweatervest, 

Ellen DeGeneres, 

Ryan Reynolds, 

Doug, 

Justin Timberlake,

and best of all Betty White!

+Hell, I'll even give it to Simon+

     So, instead I will kindly request that you will instead focus on your own endeavors and namesakes, and kindly stay away from mine. I have worked hard to engrain the sweatervest as part of my persona, and develop it as part of my brand, and I really dont want Santorum all over it. 

+If you somehow dont know of  Santorum's primary meaning, let me help you spreadingsantorum.com/ +

Editing

So, I doubt anyone on here knows this, but for every blog post I post, I tend to spend an exorbitant amount of time planning, improving, and editing. As I result, I tend to not blog due to lack of time and energy, or I write a post, most of the way through, and not finish. This sucks....

+Take this as you will+

And honestly, I really dont need to. I dont have a huge following, and one benefit of that is that I can produce less than quality work. As a result, I am going to follow the advice and model of a friend of mine, who is a much more accomplished blogger, and not worry as much about the editing process. Ill just go with it. 

+sorry, wrong adam sandler movie+

So expect more common posts. Also, if I know you in real life, and you notice that I havent posted in a few days, PLEASE hit me, and tell me to blog some. You know who you are:

+ Shameless pimping out of your blog, www.eurymylus.com/ +

Moves Toward Improvement

So, after many months of therapy, and a bit of the good old SSRIs, I have been noticing some differences in my behavior. For so many months, maybe years, I have been having a very difficult time just getting up in the morning. Now I don't mean the normal, need my cup of coffee (although sometimes I had that also).

-Seriously, you can never have too much respect for people who can make latte art-

I mean a total lack of desire to become active in the world around me. Even with things I really enjoyed doing, I would have an incredibly hard time making my way out of bed. Sometimes I would just spend hours lying awake.

-This is the brony way of expressing how it feels-

And all that would go through my head were terrible thoughts.  Sometimes how I'm better off in bed, because that way others wouldn't have to deal with me. Other times, I would berate myself for not being able to do something as simple as getting out of bed. And sometimes my thoughts would go to darker places. But, for the first time, in a long time, I have been consistently able to get out of bed in an appropriate amount of time. More than that, I have been getting tasks that I have been procrastinating for a long time done. I spent several hours cleaning my room (which was in desperate need).

-legitimately, It probably would have been faster to use a pitchfork to clean my room

I went through 2 full trash bags of assorted crap-

 I got some paperwork that I have been putting off done. And I am trying harder to be more consistent with blogging, which my therapist says will be very helpful for me. As a whole, I can really feel my life becoming better, and I hope that I will continue to make improvements. Because for the first time in a long time, I really feel hopeful for myself!

-If you understand this reference..... Will you marry me?-